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Apr. 18th, 2006 @ 08:53 pm (no subject)
Current Location: office
Current Mood: crankycranky
Did I know that I could now easily add a photo to my fucking journal? No, I did not know that, but I have no photos to post so I guess that reminder should quit with its bullshit.

I retired. I retired from baseball. I was going to be on some team, but then they did not want me. I quit my job at Hot Topic to get on this team, and they fucking let me down. Oh well. I mostly sit at home now. My wife decided that we should "spruce up" the pool house. Man, I did not even KNOW we had a pool house. I think she wants me to stay in the pool house. I am not staying in no fucking pool house.

That bitch Ellison called me the other day. CALLED ME. What is with that? I was minding my own god damn business watching the Shawshank Redemption and here is Ellison. Fucking calling me. He said something about how I wish he would die and how I plan to blow up his house. Oh wait, he didn't say that. I wasn't listening to him so I acted like he was saying that. Whatever he was saying, it was bullshit. All that mother fucker spouts is bullshit.

Anyway, I have to go. I have an interview with Jamba Juice tomorrow. My kids are being annoying. I need to leave the room.
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Oct. 31st, 2005 @ 08:12 pm (no subject)
Ick. Ick. Ick. I saw Ellison when I was on my lunch. Ick. I almost loathed him a little less, my pictures of his death almost dwindled, I almost didn't imagine him dying horrible deaths in Saw 2, though I didn't pay attention that whole movie because, you know what, the movie theatre has great popcorn and nachos. I made popcorn nachos even and it was the most delicious thing I have ever had in my life. Besides beef jerky and pork rinds sandwiches... those are pretty good. Anyway, I was starting that softy bullshit for Ellison and starting to, as my wife said, "think rationally." I think rationally. I always think rationally. Ellison. Yes. I hate him. I saw him going into some sports store because he still plays baseball and all that. Then he was walking by the food court. Then, out of nowhere, I someone flew a tray at him and it hit him in the head and I said, "That's what you get Ellison! That's what you get!" and threw my drink at him as well, but it hit a little girl and I ran away.

A little shit I work with at Hot Topic asked me if I played baseball today. Worked with the kid for how long and just now asks. I told him I played hockey. Then he started talking to me about hockey and I stuck a pin in his hand. Sure, I had to buy the pin after that, but it was worth it.

My wife thinks that without baseball, I cannot get out my aggressions so I start actually doing the "horribly mean and harmful" things I have in my mind. That's bullshit.
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Oct. 6th, 2005 @ 07:42 pm (no subject)
Well, it seems that my advice column has fizzled out. Oh well. I didn't care about any of that crybaby bullshit anyway. But if anyone would like some advice, feel free to ask man. I'll be *glad* to tell you to shut the fuck up. Or do the right thing. Whatever it is advice columnists do, I will try to do that.

Hot Topic. HoT tOpIc. HOT TOPIC! What is with that place? It's all disaffected youths with a lot of zits and fucking crummy attitudes. I love yelling at them. They seem to just shrivel up and die when you say, "Shut the FUCK up and buy some purple hair dye, freak!" It's great! Especially because they usually buy purple hair dye. And you know what is better? I can be mean all I want! I pushed some kid down and yelled mosh pit and I got to step on him. STEP ON HIM! It was great. Just great. Yell mosh pit and you can do some serious damage.

My wife has decided that I should, quote, "Pursue my passion" again. Baseball is apparently my passion. Sure, I liked it when I was a kid. I remember there was this one time that I was playing a game as a child and they made me pitcher. So, I threw the ball at this ugly kid named George and it hit him in the face. I was laughing and laughing and carrying on and he's bleeding and bleeding... fuck, it was GREAT! That was when I knew I wanted to be a baseball player. But apparently in the big leagues, you aren't allowed to do that. I guess I miss it. I miss having Ellison in arms reach, knowing he was only a punch reach away. I would kill to yell, "mosh pit" and stomp him instead of some kid with a My Chemical Romance shirt and dyed black hair.

Imagine it, Ellison on the floor, his face bleeding.... He needs to come into Hot Topic. Seriously man. If I get fired for it, at least I will have that image.
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Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 10:37 pm (no subject)
short short advice number whateverCollapse )

I haven't posted in a while because, well, I got a job. A better job. Some of you may laugh. Some of you may say some mean things. Some of you may be hit by my car soon. The point is, I got a job and I like it. Where is it you all ask? Hot Topic. I work at Hot Topic. I don't have to be nice to anyone and disaffected youths don't like baseball, so no one is making fun of me. It's great. And I can sleep in the back room. No one even notices that I am gone. It's great. I even got to throw spikes at someone yesterday! Sure, it was a spike bracelet, but it was so worth it. I'm getting a little tired of the crap music they play though. When I first walked in there I was like, "What bullshit is this?" but I've grown used to it with the help of earplugs.

Also, apparently Home Depot wouldn't hire me because I have something on my record about running people over with golf carts from one of my last jobs before I was a baseball player... yeah... whatever. I don't need them.
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Aug. 20th, 2005 @ 12:27 am (no subject)
Tags: ,
short advice 5Collapse )

So, I guess I am getting advice now on where to work. My wife has not been happy with me the past few days. Says I'm a "fat lazy louse who can't play baseball." I always respond with, "I'm not a louse, nor that fat, so shut up." That shuts her up. Shuts her up real good. Um... she got me a whole bunch of applications. Mcdonalds, Barnes and Noble, Safeway, Hot Topic, something else... I don't know... Quiznos was another. I threw that one the hell away. I got one for Home Depot though. I liked the thought of having sharp power tools and those lawn mowers you ride always a second away for when I soon go on a mass killing spree.

I kid, of course. Or do I?
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Aug. 18th, 2005 @ 03:42 pm (no subject)
Advice fourCollapse )

I quit Del Taco.
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Aug. 17th, 2005 @ 09:32 pm (no subject)
Advice ThreeCollapse )

So, advice over. God, I didn't think about this crap before I stole it from Tuck. So much caring that I don't have... damn... um... anyway... so... uh... Del Taco. Right. Sucks. I decided to draw a picture of myself in a Hot Dog on a Stick uniform. It didn't turn out well because there was this line and my manager came and said I have to wait on people instead of drawing on a napkin. Yeah, my manager is a douche, if anyone couldn't guess. He acts like I have to wait on these people, like it's my job or something. I wanted to be a taco maker. I'm good at making tacos. I'm not good at caring about people who eat tacos though, except for me, so this really isn't the job for me. I should quit. Maybe.

Hot Dog on a Stick GripCollapse )

The End.
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Aug. 17th, 2005 @ 12:40 am (no subject)
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
New advice column for everybody! Yay for you... unless you wanted real answers because that wasn't going to happen in the first place.

adviceCollapse )

Yeah, Del Taco sucks. I don't know why fat people keep coming and ordering a whole bunch of shit and then a diet coke. You are still going to be fat. One of them had a scooter thing so they didn't even waddle up to the counter. You need exercise, fatty, not more tacos. My wife bought me beef jerkey though, and that is good. I ate it already, but it was still good.
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Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 12:05 pm (no subject)
Hey, it's my first advice column! Which I stole from my dear Tuck because I'm like that.
StolenCollapse )

So, that was cool. I have to go to work at noon. Go Del Taco! This is such bullshit, I swear. Del Taco? What the hell is this! Hot dog on a stick called but then I remembered those silly hats they had to wear and I decided against going to the interview. You will not see Marquis Grissom in a funny hat! No sir! Except if I'm drunk... then you'll see me in a funny hat.
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Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 02:22 am (no subject)
Del Taco, my friends. Del fucking Taco. Got an interview. It burned so bad, you don't even know, but, hey, they hired me anyway.

Let's hope that I can get two days in. Or at leat enough for a paycheck. Then I can buy beef jerkey on my own. I DON'T NEED YOU, WOMAN! I'LL BUY IT MYSELF!

Oh, and Ellison, if you call me one more fucking time, I swear to god that you won't be on the team either. Also, you will have no legs. STOP CALLING ME!
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